I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
