did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
