ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
