i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Success! We fucked roommates!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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