that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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