So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize