I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
