I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
