Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
