one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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