Dignity is for republicans.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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