We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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