I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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