Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
