There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
