come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
