I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
