My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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