so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
