Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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