so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I would ride that face into the sunset
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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