im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
