It's Friday. Sex?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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