In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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