I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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