the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize