it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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