i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
