my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
