You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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