Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
