To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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