haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
