my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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