Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize