I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
