Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
