i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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