I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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