i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
