so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
