The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
