There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
