Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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