Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
