Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Drunk is not a location!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
