I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
