So gin and wine won't be happening again
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
