I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
