my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
