3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
