i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
