im drinking this country out of the recession.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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