I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
