I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
