Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
