but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
