I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
