I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
