i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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