Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
