Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
