Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
